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Close friends & The 3 Lives concept July 6, 2006

Posted by John M McKee in Business.


A new study from Duke University compares how many close confidants the average person has. While I wasn’t surprised at the findings, it was nevertheless kind of sad.

In 1985, on the average, each of us had 3 people we considered close enough to share important matters with; by 2004 it had fallen to ‘barely’ 2. Worse, the number of people who say they have no one to discuss life issues with had more than doubled to nearly 25%. According to the study, the causes are probably increased work hours and the influence of the Internet.

And people ask me why the coaching profession is growing so fast now…
As an executive and business coach, I spend a great deal of time helping people attain what they want out of life. Typically, I am asked to help with certain career issues such as: Getting a promotion, increasing pay level, changing jobs, improving performance, overcoming ‘roadblocks’, correcting perspective, management presence and other personal performance outcomes.

Often, my client and I get into things more personal in nature like – the client’s relationships with loved ones, desires to have more time for things outside of work, physical issues, and those of a spriritual or religious nature.

With certain clients, we even talk about happiness and fun. Those conversations are often difficult if the client has been taught that they are not subjects for someone living in the “real world”. Last week I met someone for dinner who told me that those concepts are so ‘squishy and new age’ that it’s hard to see why working on them could improve his company’s business results.

I am a firm believer in the concept that each of us has 3 aspects or ‘lives’ which we need to be cognizant of and manage. I believe that most people are pretty good looking at 1 part of their life but rarely good at considering all 3. Each of us is

1. A professional individual – the one who goes out each day to earn a wage and develop their career or business successfully.

2. A personal / family person – this is the part of us which gets replenished doing what we enjoy with those we care about.

3. A financial manager – the aspect of who we are who looks after what we have and need to ensure we can live how we wish.

If we don’t make plans which take into account each of the roles we have, it is far less likely that we will attain true balance in our life. We may have success career-wise; but not feel satisfied (or happy). Perhaps we make a lot of money but have no personal life, or have lots of hobbies and activities but a miserable job.

Take some time to sketch out what you want in each of your 3 Lives – it’ll be well worth the time.

– Looking forward,




1. Your future has arrived. Are you ready? | TechRepublic - February 7, 2012

[…] today, by most indicators, that model is now finished. As a result, your “three lives” are going to be more greatly affected than at any time in modern history.  Regardless of what you […]

2. Law of Attraction Practitioner Certification Reviews - July 13, 2013

It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.
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